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Moving In With Your Man
By: Relationship Coach James T.
Courtesy of: How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams
Today, we live in a world of high speed and we’re not just referring to the Internet. Every aspect of our lives adopts a faster, younger movement. From grabbing food on the go, to advancing in your career, to dating and forming relationships, fast is the way to go. So it’s no surprise that it isn’t taking long for newly forged couples to make that real-world push and start serious relationships. And like all serious relationships, there is a serious question posed. When is the time right to move in together and what does that move mean? Love is one thing, and you’re certainly lucky if you have it, but moving in with your partner is another ball game entirely. Moving in together may help to solidify your commitment to each other, but remember that it’s a serious commitment you should never rush into. The last thing you want to do is harm your bond. In order to ensure that your big move translates into a precursor towards a stronger, healthier relationship, there are a few things you must first consider.
Self Check
Before you make the big move, be sure to have lived on your own for a while. Think of it as a self check to make sure you can make it all on your own. Independence is a wonderful thing, and it a takes some time to get to know ourselves, fulfill dreams and set future goals. If you can manage on your own, the very least you would have acquired is the confidence to know that if your move with your partner does not work, you will still be okay. Another thing you need to ponder is whether or not you are thinking rationally or being driven by passion. Make sure you are past the “honeymoon” stage. It is natural for people to put their partner on a pedestal in the beginning of a relationship, making them blind to see their beau’s negative attributes.
Evaluate Motives
It is imperative that both you and your partner know why you want to move in together. And no, being madly in love is not reason enough! It is key that you both are in sync with why you feel it is time to shack up. If one of you sees it as a precursor to getting engaged, and the other is doing it because it’s practical, don’t bother unpacking your boxes. Putting into words why you want to take this step may help you really think about the relationship and how you want it to proceed.
Are you planning to marry soon? Do you both want to test drive the shack up experience? Has your partner offered to support you because you’re going through some financial hardships? Considering these questions will help you avoid making an impulsive decision. Instead, make a planned decision and save you and your partner some future heart aches. Establish a plan for how finances will be split, your motives for wanting to move, what your future goals are and if this move will help you and your partner reach them.
Great Expectations
Be honest with yourself. Make a list of all the bad habits you’ve noticed about your man, and ask yourself if you can deal with them. Remember that when living together, bad habits become like compound interest, especially since they’ll be done over and over again. While living separately it is difficult for you to be able to witness his bad behaviors. Sure, every Sunday when you stop by his place it is entirely immaculate and smells of sweet Air Wicks and Febreeze. But what you don’t know is that his place is a domestic nightmare the other six days a week!
You never know what to expect when moving in with your partner until you witness the good, the bad and the ugly firsthand. It can become so frustrating that you may start to wonder, who is this person? He thinks piling mountains of clothes in the corner is more effective than using a closet, gets toothpaste all over the entire counter with every brushing, leaves tiny hair trimmings on the sink when he shaves, and allows dishes to pile up until they magically grow arms and wash themselves. No matter what sort of domestic habits your partner has, you have to form expectations; even if those expectations are to expect the unexpected. Expect that you and your partner won’t always agree on the evening’s TV lineup, what’s for dinner, or whose turn is it to wash the dishes or take out the trash. While you think Sunday night football is a bore, and he’s convinced he is losing brain cells just by being in the same room as you when you watch The Real Housewives, you have to evaluate if these types of scenarios will be troublesome. There is nothing worse than stewing for days and then unleashing fury on your usually clueless cohabiter. If despite these expected obstacles you still are anxious and excited to move in with your partner, chances are you are ready!
What the Future Holds
There is no specific right time to move in with your partner. Just make sure to have covered your basis. As long as you first make sure you can live independently and then clearly think about why you are moving and what to expect of your partner after the move, your move will be a wonderful experience. Your move will mark the first step towards learning more about one another, compromising and making important decisions together on issues like finances. Making the move - when done right and done at the right time - means forging a stronger bond between you and your partner and a more in-depth trust. It means that he is ready to share more of him - the things he does, what he likes, how he is when the two of you are separate - with you. And that’s definitely a good sign, especially if the both of you ultimately seek marriage or a long-term, committed relationship.